Birthday Memories

Today would have been my sister's 38th birthday. It has been almost 2 years since she died and life has changed so much in that time that I find myself changing the way I think again in light of her absence. It has changed to me trying to picture her today in the 2015 world instead of it being so easy to imagine her with me. It's been long enough that I have to wonder what she would think if I told her what I have going on in my life today. Sometimes I imagine how a conversation would go between us.

I always have fond memories of my sister. I loved being able to tell her happy birthday on her birthday and sharing life's every day happenings with her. I feel now like the broken parts are starting to heal and be replaced with new experiences and memories that don't include her because they can't. The new parts are stronger in come ways and still weak in others, sometimes easily re-broken when memories resurface at just the right time.

Yesterday we were visiting an air museum and there were veterans around at this place. I made it most of the way through it all in a state of awe and wonder, making sure to take pictures and learn something about the history lessons there. All of a sudden, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my grandpa was a military man at heart and I miss him. I barely made it out of there without shedding tears. I don't know why it's important for me to not cry in front of strangers, but my brain seems to think it is and it stops me from doing it.

One of my most vivid memories of my sister's birthday, or at least an event that I associate with my sister's birthday, was a sleepover that she had with friends at our aunts house. There was some nonsense with the freezing of the bra of the first girl to fall asleep, which I thought was very cruel and did not understand. She was always surrounded by friends and a tagalong, grumpy, bitter, little sister. I felt sorry for it when I grew up and realized how I treated her growing up, but I was too immature to see it early on. She was always ready to forgive when I had wronged her, for the sake of sisterly love. She was a rare treasure, just like her birthstone the diamond. Now she is a diamond in heaven, a treasure where she is also dearly loved.